RIGHT, just so as you're in no doubt - I cannot stand rugby union.
You'll notice it's the 'union' code of the sport that's the key thing here.
The league version is pretty much faultless, one of the best sports to watch on TV, and - even though I never got a chance to at school - I reckon it must be an absolutely fantastic game to play.
League is so straightforward - six goes to attempt to score a try; if not you turn over possession. Not unlike another of my favourite sports, American Football, where you get four goes to attempt to move the ball 10 yards further into your opponents' territory and eventually kick a field goal or score a touchdown. Failure to move the ball without scoring means possession is turned over.
Now we come to rugby union... does anyone have a clue WTF is going on apart from the fact they're all trying to beat the living daylights out of each other before the referee awards a penalty which mystifies both sets of players, the fans in the stadium and those watching on TV - as well as the expert pundits?
Well, never mind, it's all part of the game which these days is to ensure your side earns enough penalties to overcome the opposition by booting the ball between the sticks without any defender having the chance to block the kick (unlike a field goal in American Football).
I am certain that after practice, anyone with a decent kicking leg and an eye for distance could boot a ball between two uprights without anyone bearing down on them in an attempt to stop them.
Sadly, and to its terrible detriment, the union code of the game has become almost totally reliant on the kicking game and penalties.
Great tries are so rare from open play, they still show Gareth Edwards's truly brilliant effort for the Barbarians against the All Blacks as the perfect example of how to score a try - and that was 40 years ago.
Which, I think, was the last time anyone scored a try in rugby union...
And now we come to the Lions Tour... Anyone who has Sky Sports or listens to TALKSport will know that there can't be any major football events happening this summer as this bloody visit to Australia has been plugged for the best part of six months.
I've ranted on this before on Facebook and now Twitter, and I'm ranting again here in my blog - THE AUSSIES DO NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT RUGBY UNION!!!
It's not even the fourth most popular sport in a country that has a population barely more than the sum total of the UK's five biggest cities. Aussie Rules, Rugby LEAGUE, Soccer and Cricket always lead the way Down Under.
So if the best players from England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland - as the Lions purport to be - cannot defeat Australia whose real rugby allegiance is with the League version, then it's a pretty poor show indeed.
A lot, nay all of this hullabaloo over the Lions' trip is class-orientated. It's a public school sport, don't forget - 'rugger' - where if you were to suggest playing the league version you'd be laughed out of the dorm.
It's always been the same with union. I can distinctly remember as a child listening to Sports Report on the good ol' BBC Radio 2 on a Saturday in the late 1970s and early 1980s awaiting to hear the report of Liverpool's latest victims on their way to another championship only being told that the football reports would come later as there had been an important match at Murrayfield, the Arms Park or Twickers.
It was the fact rugby union came first in the pecking order - even above the nation's number one sport. And it's still the case today. Rugby union reports dominate the airwaves around 6 Nations time even though a huge majority of the UK could not give a damn about it. But, we're force-fed the news of an exciting 6-3 game in which no tries were scored but three penalties landed in a contest for the purists - in other words, a load of rubbish that anyone watching with minor interest would have switched over to watch the test card.
Yes, bring back the test card!!!
So, just to round off my rant. No, I really couldn't care less if the Lions win, lose or draw in Australia. I won't be able to avoid it, working as I do on the sportsdesk.
I'm just looking forward to when the first little indiscretion happens when some player or other is caught on CCTV in a shop doorway snogging someone other than his wife or a half-cut star is punished for attempting to leap from a ferry to the dockside only to miss his target or someone, now, stay with me here, actually scores a try. The first two are dead certs, the other, well, what do you think?
